How Can I Help Or Convince My Mother To Quit Smoking?
She is 42, and she has been smoking since she was a teenager. She smokes quite a bit, plus there is history of heart disease and cancer in our family. My grandmother (her mom) died in her early 50s from heart disease. Other than smoking, she is pretty healthy. I am really worried about her, but she is stubborn and acts like I am trying to boss her around when I suggest her quitting. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
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22 Responses to “How Can I Help Or Convince My Mother To Quit Smoking?”
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September 12th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Appeal to her motherly instincts. I know she very much wants to see you grow up, and to be there for her grandchildren that she’ll one day have.
I struggled with smoking for years, and it still comes back to haunt me sometimes… the thing that keeps me from smoking is that fact that I MUST be there for my little boy… he has no one but me. If you can convince her that heart disease/lung cancer will cut her life short (and it probably will if she keeps smoking, especially if she has a family history of it) she may be more likely to listen to you.
Say something like, “Mom, I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. What would we do without you?”
September 12th, 2009 at 6:16 am
You can’t. She will not quit until she convinces herself that she needs to. It is her choice.
September 12th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Miss D, When I saw this question of yours it really struck home. My father, a long-time smoker, died at the age of 43 from heart disease, as did several of his uncles. For whatever _insane_ reason, I took up smoking in my adult life. I tried to quit many times, always to pick it up again during stressful times at work (or at home). Whenever my wife would try to get me to quit, I would get defensive .. or sometimes I’d tell her I would quit, knowing that it wasn’t going to be anytime soon.
I tried a lot of different things – quitting groups, smoking replacements, etc. And my wife tried a lot of tactics, too .. threats, ultimatums, throwing out my cigarettes and lighters, talking about my dad, talking about our girls. And I’m a reasonably intelligent guy. I know the facts, and the statistics, and the long term effects. That’s all in addition to losing my father. All of these things just didn’t work .. I was a stubborn a** about it, to be honest .. but I think each one of these things got me a little closer to deciding to quit.
Finally, about four months ago, something _really_ clicked inside my head and my heart. I had put my girls to bed and just stood over them watching them sleep and wondering if I was going to be alive to see them through high school, and college, and marriage. I knelt beside both of them, in tears, and promised them that I would quit, that I wouldn’t leave them like my dad had left me. That was the last day that I smoked.
As I was scanning all of the other answers it was Lanani’s answer that expresses exactly what I came to realize. I _have_ to be here for my girls. They do have their mother, but they need me, too. They are too young to tell me yet (they’re 3), so I just had to imagine them being older and saying, “Daddy, we love you, we don’t want to lose you.” (just like Lanani said) It’s something that I __truly__ regret never saying to my Dad. And I would give anything if I could have that chance again .. I don’t care if it would upset him .. I don’t care if I had to say it everyday .. 10 times a day .. I’d do it just to have him around to talk to and for him to see all of his grandchildren. He has eight of them .. and he never got to see any of them, not one. He never saw any of his children graduate college, or get married, for that matter.
Different things will work for different people, so I can’t honestly know what will work for your mother. I hope you’re getting some good ideas here. IMHO, I would try Lanani’s suggestion first .. and keep following it .. everyday .. appeal to her motherly instincts .. tell her how much you love her .. how much you would miss her. Do not get discouraged by defensiveness or anger on her part, or failed attempts at quitting, that’s natural. Smoking can become a real ‘friend’ .. and giving it up is like losing a friend .. or a comfortable part of yourself .. as odd as it sounds .. at least, that’s the way it felt for me. Just know that what you are doing is out of love and concern for her regardless of how it’s perceived on her part.
_Best_Wishes_ !!
September 12th, 2009 at 11:53 am
quitting or starting to smoke is a gradual process. advice her to cut the no. of cigarettes by half everyday atleast. then half and half and so forth. speak to her calmly about the ill effects of smoking. show her some education material on smoking
September 12th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
hide er cigaretts, that’s what i did then my mom finally gave up trying 2 find it and she always forget 2 by new 1s
September 12th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Show her photos of a smoker’s brain and lungs.
Hey, that’s what the local government put up next to roads to convince the people to stop smoking.
September 12th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
You can only offer support to her. She is 42 and has her own mind. You might offer to start a buddy program if she is willing to quit.
You could find something you do that she doesn’t like and give it up and she could give up smoking. Or talk to her dr. and she what he thinks. Ask him to tell her she needs to quit smoking. Maybe she will get scared if her dr. tells her.
Since spring is almost here ask her to start walking in the evenings with you. It will keep you both in good shape and it will be harder for her to smoke. Alot of times people that start a physical activity and stick with it will quit smoking because they have a hard time completing the activity due to shortness of breathe. Goodluck!
September 13th, 2009 at 12:49 am
read my column at http://www.whyquit.com get her to read it and all of them in there. wish you all the luck
September 13th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Try to take her to a local hospital cancer clinic..Maybe a “scare” will help her get control. But, she is the only one that can make herself stop..Not you..Smoking is such a selfish act…hopefully she will start to think what her smoking is doing to you and other members of her family…Support and encourage her..
September 13th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Take her the hospital to visit people who are dying of emphazima, lung cancer, throat cancer, etc. Tell her you are going to go visit a friend, then let her observe. When she says she’s had enough, hand her a nicoderm patch and tell her you love her.
September 13th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Honestly if you talked about with her all the bad things smoking does to her body then you have done really all you can do. Your mother is her own woman and she knows what thee effects are. This kiddo is a decision that she is gonna make on her own no matter what you say or how you go about it. The crazy thing they say that stress actually leads to cancer. The one thing I can suggest is be elusive about the way you tell her to stop. Like maybe videos or books about people who stop smoking. Be a little more creative the way you tell her not so blunt about it. The important thing is that she knows you care.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
thats difficult because quitting smoking is the smokers decsion and will. even if others would tell them its bad for her.. but she doesnt want to quit then others suggestions will be useless..
well its ok to try though.. so probably just tell her you love her so much and u wanna be with her for the longest time as possible and u think smoking could be an hindrance so you hope and u wish her to stop..
best of luck..
September 13th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
she can t cause i have tried to get my dad to stop and he kept saying he was but he didnt but he alright though
September 13th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Take her to a walk or elsewhere besides her normal life. The reason why she is smoking it could be due to lazyness or strees. Spend sometime with here Don’t let her smoke have her explore new things. Stress is keeping her back.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Ask her to fill out her will (and living will) and request that everything of value be left to you and get some funeral service package prices and ask her which one she likes best. Be serious about it when you approach her because it will get her to think about the future.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:18 am
You can only offer support, and show that it is somethign you encourage, the rest is really up to her…she has to want to quit
September 14th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
You could try hypnosis, it worked for my buddy
September 14th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
My mother was the only smoker in my family. She quit a few years ago. She just found out she has lung cancer. She has a tumor the size of a grapfruit on her lung. It isnot possible 2 have it surgery! She is having chemo and radiation as we speak, and i can tell she is scared. Not 2 mention it stinks, ages you, and makes your skin and teeth gross. If she wants a stress reliever tell her 2 work out.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
You need a lot of time and patience, especially depending on how long the person’s been smoking. don’t think you can really convince someone to quit smoking. I think you have to tell him/her you’d like him/her to quit smoking. Then he/she has to decide whether he/she wants to or not. Let him/her know that you’re there for him/her. Let him/her know you’re understanding and willing to help in any way you can. Don’t push it. It will take time. Don’t be upset if he/she has trouble quitting- he/she most likely will. DON’T get upset if he/she has a relapse. Always make sure to be as understanding and patient as possible.
Show them pictures and vidoes of people who have suffered the consequences of smoking. Trust me, the videos and pictures of the consequences are horrifying.
Women who planned to undergo abortion were shown videos of what happens to the baby inside the tummy when the abortion procedure is taking place. After watching it, all of them freaked out and didn’t go through with the operation.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:28 am
Have the secret service lock her up!!!
September 15th, 2009 at 4:45 am
smoking is a matter of life and death. but living itself is quite harmful. body deteriorates by nature or by nurture, smoking pacifies these facts. I am a smoker since i was eighteen, now i am thiorty one. if i have something better to do i must have quitted it a long time ago.
osip
September 15th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Tell her the fact, I’ve seen it all and that’s why I never smoke once. My uncle, aunt, grandma, and lost many friends. My grandma is interesting because she only smoke 1 pack a week and drinks small amount. She never had any problems… weird! However with her first stroke, she died in one month later quickly! Just leave her alone and be her friend. Talk to her leave her habit aside. Maybe it will hit her one day mentally knowing she wants to be around more time in life with you. Stay focus and be her friend! Do not try too hard, it’ll make it worst. Be yourself! Once in awhile asks her to get death insurence otherwise you will end up paying her hospital and death bills, it very deep and not funny.