Is It Wrong To Ask My Boyfriend To Quit Smoking Before...
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. He wants to marry me, but he smokes and isn’t deterred by his bad health. He’s had all sorts of problems ranging from heart to lungs. Is it wrong for me to expect him to quit? I want him to be there and I fear that if he doesn’t make some changes, he won’t be. Thanks. =)
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18 Responses to “Is It Wrong To Ask My Boyfriend To Quit Smoking Before We Marry?”
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October 11th, 2009 at 1:44 am
You should definitely ask, but beware that he might refuse or not have the willpower, in which case you will have to decide whether you want him how he is, or you’d rather be without him.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Don’t do it. People never quit smoking because someone else asks them to . He’ll say yes, but it’ll never happen, and then you’ll be bitter because he’d promised and broke his word. Better yet, tell him you’ll support him when he decides he’s ready to quit, and then leave him alone. He’ll either choose on his own to quit and do it, or he’ll always smoke. Either way all you can do is support him. Decide now if you can accept possibly being with a smoker with bad health, because the odds are in favor of it
October 11th, 2009 at 6:20 am
I wouldn’t say it is wrong for you to ask him to quit. But at the same time if you have been dating him for a long while and knew he was smoking for this long then your behavior has kind of said it is “ok” for him to be a smoker. I guess you are going to sort of have to help him as much as you can to go cold turkey. But I don’t believe you can do more than that, if he doesn’t wish to change.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:02 am
He smoked when you met him. He is a smoker now, but you want to change him. You think you can alter his destiny. What if he quits smoking, but instead gets hit by a bus? People will leave us and we cannot control how or when. You would ask him to suffer withdrawal because you want him to be there for you. Let’s face it. You are trying to change him for selfish reasons. It is about you, not him. We are all human. None of us are perfect. He smokes and you rationalize. Here’s the deal…if married, you accept him for who he is and only then maybe he’ll decide to quit smoking someday. In the meantime keep your options open by remaining single. You’ll both get along better. =)
October 11th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I have asked my husband to stop since before we got married, he has cut back but recently has been smoking more and more, I find it extremely gross, I hate the way his clothes smell, his hands, his breath. It really makes me sick, but he doesn’t seem to care. It is a huge bone of contention with us, so I guess I don’t really have the answer. I don’t think you are wrong to ask, it effects your life too.
October 11th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I couldn’t live with a smoker. It’s something that should have been an issue 2 years ago. But you are here now and you love him and like the other posters said, it’s hard to make someone do something they’re not ready to do.
What about striking a bargain with him that will at least help him cut back? My little brother needed a place to stay a couple years ago and I told him absolutely…as long as he never smoked in or around the house or the car. He had to change his clothes when he came into the house if they reeked of smoke. (My kids would always get grossed out if he smelled like smoke..”ewwwww, Uncle Steve stinnnnnnks”)
His teeth were turning yellow and his breath was pretty nasty, so he would always brush his teeth too. He finally gave in and quit smoking. Just in time too, because he fell in love with a beautiful young lady 6 months later who didn’t smoke and hated being around the smell.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
It’s unrealistic. It’s a tough addiction and despite his age or health problems if you love him you love him unconditionally. Coax him, prod him…but love him. If smoking is his biggest drawback then you’ve met a true keeper. He will quit someday…hopefully soon but if not settle for the man you love without condemning him at all. Congratulations!
October 11th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
It’s not wrong…but it’s not likely.
Smokers are 100% controlled by their addiction- they will lie, manipulate, hide it, justify it, and more to avoid getting that monkey off their back.
I know…I was addicted for 27 years til I quit cold turkey.
And yep, I’m proud to be one of the preachy EX smokers.
October 12th, 2009 at 4:48 am
When you get married, both man and wife have to make sacrifices. I had to give up my spending, and he had to give up smoking.
If he gives you a hard time, tell him you’ll give up/quit something that he doesn’t like about you. Make a little deal.
October 12th, 2009 at 10:27 am
you can find your answer here in
http://teensandhealth.blogspot.com/2009/03/smoking-silent-killer.html
October 12th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
ask but not tell. he will quit when he is ready. as long as he smokes outside the house you should be alright.
October 12th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
YES… YOU ARE OUT OF PLACE… HE KNOWZ ITS BAD BUT THAT HIS DECISIONS AND YOU NEEDA RESPECT THAT. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE AN IMPACT ON YOU WEDDING
October 12th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Its not wrong , its for his own sake, and you love him thats why you want him to stop smoking.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:41 am
No it’s not wrong.. if he haven’t realize he’s
smoking on a cancer stick..then he’s way off…
October 13th, 2009 at 6:22 am
If you hate smoking. Don’t date smokers. That’s just common sense.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:09 am
My wife forced me to before we married. Tell you what – clean for the last 2 years
October 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
it’s not wrong to ask but to force someone well thats another thing
October 13th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
You can’t force him to quit. You can tell him you’d really like for him too, but demanding it will just piss him off and he’ll do it out of spite. Depending on how ballsy he is he’ll either do it right in front of you or just start hiding it from you. Either way he still won’t quit. The only way for him to quit is for him to decide that he WANTS it for himself. I compare quitting smoking to going on a diet and sticking to it. How many people do you know that say they just started a diet and less than a week later you see them eating cookies or a piece of cake. It will never works until they decide they really want a change and put their mind to it. The same goes for smoking, the difference is it’s not just a bad habit it’s an addiction and even someone with great willpower still struggles because the effect that nicotine has on the brain.
If his breath stinks tell him it smells like cigarettes and hand him a mint or some gum or ask him to brush his teeth.
Give him time and when he does try to quit give him support he’ll need it. If he slips up don’t give him a hard time, just encourage him to try again. My doctor told me because of how the brain and nicotine works it’s harder for a smoker to give up cigarettes than a crack addict to give up drugs.