My Boyfriend Started Smoking Cigars. Should I Tolerate...
Hello. So we got back together last week, after we broke up 7 months ago. He called me and wanted to get back together with me, so i thought about it and decided to give it another try. Part of the reason we broke up was because I didn’t set my boundaries and didn’t tell him what i could and could not tolerate in fear that he wouldn’t like what I had to say. Because of that, he didn’t know when he crossed the line and thought I was overreacting when I confronted him about things later on in the relationship, when he thought it was fine with me all along. Also, another reason why we broke up was because I worried too much. He always thought I was making a big deal out of every little thing, and for some things, i guess I was.
Anyway, he just started smoking cigars, and I am really against this. it may not be a big deal to you guys, but in all honesty, I find smoking anything to be disgusting and a huge turn off. Also, it’s really heartbreaking because I know it’s not good for his health. My father promised me that he would quit smoking when I was little, and he just recently started smoking again in secrecy (just that you can smell it everywhere) He’s my father, I care about his health and it really is heartbreaking and I dont want to experience that with my boyfriend. i dont think it’s something i’ll be able to overlook, and I know I’ll have problems with it later on if i dont confront him now.
So I really don’t know what to do… am i making a big deal about this?
O yeah, before some of you go on about the health benefits of nicotine, if you’re smoking for health benefits, wouldn’t a nicotine patch or w/e be a wiser choice? Bad teeth, higher risk for diseases, and smelling horrible, etc is not worth it in my opinion.
So tell me your opinions. By all means disagree if it’s what you think. I’m not looking for sugar coated answers, just some honest ones. Thanks! 
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27 Responses to “My Boyfriend Started Smoking Cigars. Should I Tolerate It?”
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February 7th, 2010 at 11:12 am
Get off of his case. Let the man be a man. Stop trying to control him. This is how it always begins. Next you will be telling him he can’t drink beer, see other women, eat meat, etc.
February 7th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Not only is it dangerous for him, it’s also bad for you.
Make sure he doesn’t pressure you to smoke as well, which i dout you would, but tell him that you don’t like smoking and it hurts you to see him smoking.
February 8th, 2010 at 12:32 am
Smoking is one of the most unatractive thing a person can do. You should definetly tolerate it. You can get lung cancer and look old when you’re young! Try to convince him to stop!
February 8th, 2010 at 3:32 am
Nah i dont think youre over reacting, youre right about the whole bad consequences
and you should deff not tolerate it cause he will prolly want you to dew it too..
he’ll prolly also change himself.. you or him will never kno..
February 8th, 2010 at 7:05 am
ALL SMOKING IS HORRIBLE FOR YOUR HEALTH, NO EXCEPTIONS.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I really think you shouldn’t date him. He’s a bad example. And he could try to pressure you into smoking. And also, kissing him would be like kissing an ash tray!
February 8th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
I wouldn’t personally. That is a bad and nasty habit that can not only harm him, but give you secondhand. And plus, kissing him will be like licking an ash tray.
February 8th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Don’t tolerate it, cause you may soon get hooked on the smell., and that is as dangerous as smoking.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
nope I wouldn’t.. its gross and it smells terrible so why would you just tolerate it… tell him that you don’t wanna be with someone with such a discusting habit
February 8th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
You should just get over it and tolerate it….if you don’t mind the yellow teeth, bad breath, and nasty smell!
February 9th, 2010 at 6:34 am
No! Throw him AND the cigars OUT.
February 9th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
nicotine has no health benefits, just dump him, why should you suffer for his addiction
February 9th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
i don’t think cigars are all that bad, but that’s just my opinion.
February 9th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
IF I WAS YOU I WOULD NOT DO IT!
February 9th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
no diont it can kill him and it can give you second hand smoke
February 9th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
yes because otherwise he’ll have the right to beat you… whinger
February 10th, 2010 at 1:33 am
hes a total bad *** , and yeah you worry to much let him smoke wacth what happens
February 10th, 2010 at 4:05 am
I think it’s perfectly understandable to be concerned for your BF’s health, and to find cigar smoking disgusting — I certainly do. The question is, assuming he’s not doing it around you (I hope he’s not), is it really such a show stopper? I think you yourself said that you may make a big deal out of small things. I would classify this as a small thing — again, assuming he doesn’t smoke around you.
Guys do need a bit of independence. Boundaries are important, too, but I think they should be focused more on things that affect your life more directly than this does (since the health risks from moderate cigar smoking aren’t that great).
Benefits of nicotine: I think it’s important to remember that while nicotine does have strong psychological benefits and some minor health ones, over the long term, the negative health effects outweigh the positives. That being said, I quite agree with you that alternative ways to get nicotine are better and much less harmful. The patches probably aren’t a good idea, because they’re for people who smoke cigarettes throughout the day, the dosage is going to be wrong and make him sick and probably more addicted. But the lozenges are great, the gum is OK, and electronic cigarettes are probably fine. None of these things cause cancer or COPD and the nicotine doses in these haven’t been shown to cause harm. I honestly don’t know why more people don’t use them — I’ve had so much success with the lozenges that I’ve recommended them to friends, but nobody seems to try them. The only one who did liked them at first but he gave up too easily, he was getting queasy because he chewed the tablets, which makes you sick.
February 10th, 2010 at 4:48 am
I would definitely speak up.
Smoking is gross, its horrible for you and him, and if he cares about you, he should care about your health. If he wants a future with you, he should care about his health.
A friend of mine smoked cigars and got oral cancer, and it was a horrible thing to go through. I love my friend dearly, but it was very disgusting, and he went through a lot of pain. Hes still dealing with it-it continues to come back after treatment. Smoking nasty cigars isn’t worth it.
Now is the time to set a boundary. You can only make the suggestion for him for his health, but you need to demand he not smoke around you, period.
Good luck!
February 10th, 2010 at 6:39 am
Consider all the things people do daily, that are supposed to be bad for us…over eating, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, drinking alcohol, just to name a few. As long as neither of you do any of those things, then it’s okay to make smoking a dealbreaker…however if there are other things that are done that are unhealthy, and especially if you do them, then it’s not really fair for you to use smoking as a health issue, as a dealbreaker.
You’re perfectly within your rights to hate it, and it does indeed stink. So like many people that smoke cigs, say it only goes on outside…no stinking up the house. I find that people who smoke outside only, do tend to smoke less than those that sit inside, watching tv or playing on the computer, and doing it.
So, bottom line, do what you feel is best for you. He’s an adult and it’s his right to abuse his body as he sees fit…but you don’t have to choose to stay with him while he does it (and vice versa).
February 10th, 2010 at 9:29 am
my hubby won’t smoke cigars for the simple reason the smoke gives me a horrible migraine and it cost us over a $100 for a shot to get rid of the headache. tell him if he needs to do that then he can’t do it around you and has to shower and change before he sees you because the smell makes you ill. if he really loves you then he will either do this or not smoke them at all.learn to pick your battles wisely the more you nag and bitc$ the more he is less likely to do what you want him to and instead do it all the more.source been married 20 years
February 10th, 2010 at 10:44 am
You are not making a big deal about this. Smoking kills. I watched my father slowly suffocate from emphysema over 6 months from a lifetime of smoking, and believe me, it’s not a way you want to go. So unless you want to put up with dying from second-hand smoke and watching him die too, bail out of the situation while you still have lungs.
February 10th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Tell him you don’t feel comfortable with him smoking.
If he continues to, tell him the heath hasards.
If he still continues, tell him you don’t want to be involoved with a person who smokes, and break up with him.
Offer to help him stop.
February 10th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
It looks like you’re basically behaving in exactly the same way that brought you two to break up. In every relationship there is a moment to compromise, either you want to be with him or not.
Maybe there some things he doesn’t like about you but lets you do them anyway.
Cigar smoking, or slow-smoking in general, in moderation is not all that dangerous, doesn’t give you bad teeth or worse side effects than, say, a walk downtown at rush hour.
February 10th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Theres nothing wrong with smoking cigars. Just give him a couple nights a week to go hang out and smoke with buddies and he will be a happier person, cigar smoking can be very relaxing.
Just ask him to not smoke around you, if he refuses than you have some different issues to work out.
Cigars are very different than cigarettes. Cigars are not suppose to be inhaled and I find them to be non addictive (I only smoke about 3 nights a week) I have smoked more often and less often, often going several weeks without a cigar without any kind of negative effects.
Just give him his space and let him smoke occasionally (and keep a humidor if he chooses) and the two of you will be much happier.
February 10th, 2010 at 9:01 pm
It’s his life not yours, let him do what he wants. Maybe you guys shouldn’t have broken up and maybe he never would of taken up smoking.
February 10th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I wouldn’t start smoking.
Because its really bad for your heart.
Your heart turns like a black tar when you
smoke cigars,cigs,drugs.
Def. not good for you.
Everybody knows now that smoking is bad for you. But that wasn’t always the case. In the 1940s, ’50s and ’60s, Americans smoked with reckless abandon — in their offices, in department stores, on elevators, planes and buses. In 1965, nearly half of all Americans smoked.NOT GOOD.
DONT SMOKE..NEVER.