Please Revise The Short Pargaph Its Urgent I Need You...
There are strict parents. They often punish their children because they treat others rudely. This punishment is usually a grounding or revocation of privileges of going to their friend’s house. In parents’ mind, children would get benefits from discipline because it gives them what their mistakes are and how to manage themselves in order not to get grounded in the future. These parents also restrict their children from drinking alcohol, smoking cigarette, and committing a serious crime with their friends because parents share one thing in common. They need to secure their children from hazard. So, if their children smoke cigarette, parents have to stop them from doing by disciplining them. Although, stern parents always discipline their children if they did terribly for the final exam and roar with anger, their children must realize that because their parents care about them so much, they cannot resist teaching a life lesson by accidentally shouting with anger.
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February 15th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
In parents’ mind, children would get benefits from discipline because it gives them what their mistakes are and how to manage themselves in order not to get grounded in the future.
…I would change this to the following: Parents believe their children would benefit from discipline because it shows what their mistakes are and how to manage these mistakes in order to not get grounded in the future.
These parents also restrict their children from drinking alcohol, smoking cigarette, and committing a serious crime with their friends because parents share one thing in common. They need to secure their children from hazard. So, if their children smoke cigarette, parents have to stop them from doing by disciplining them.
…i’d add a semicolon after the word common, an s after cigarette, and the words ‘these things’ after doing
Although, stern parents always discipline their children if they did terribly for the final exam and roar with anger, their children must realize that because their parents care about them so much, they cannot resist teaching a life lesson by accidentally shouting with anger.
…i would consider a lot of word editing here. Its not safe to generalize everyone, even in a school paper. You have more assumptions than fact….stern papers ALWAYS discipline…roar with anger…accidently shouting with anger.